We will  not think in terms of labels for children. Labels don’t help us understand or change behavior. Labels get in the way because they cause us to expect a child to act in a certain way. Worse, they can cause a child to think they are expected to act in a certain way. They cause us to think there is nothing to do about the behavior. They cause us to blame something outside the child’s control for the behavior. They give the child an excuse for doing the behavior and they give us an excuse for expecting the behavior.

Labels are damaging because the child may feel pressure to live up to the label (Johnny is so smart!), or may feel sad and inadequate because of the label (Susie is a slow learner).

Instead of saying: “Peter is bossy”, we could say “Peter tells the other children what to do and insists on playing games by his rules”. This describes the behavior to another person (teacher, therapist, parent) without using a label.

Some examples of labels are:

• Lazy
• Messy
• Stubborn
• Co-operative
• Clingy
• Whiny
• Happy
• Willful
• Has his own agenda
• Aggressive
• Passive
• Is in his own world
• Doesn’t listen

We need to stop thinking about labels and start thinking about behavior that we observe and what movements of the body go with that behavior.

If you find yourself labeling your child with a negative label that you would like to change, try to think about the behavior that goes with the label instead. For example. If you say your child is messy, think about the behaviors that make her messy. These could be:

• drops her clothes on the floor
• drops towels on the floor
• spills food
• thows toys around

Now you are thinking about behavior and not the label. Now you have something specific that you can work on, because all behavior can be changed. More on that later!